im having a threesome with these popsicles
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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