So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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