everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
