something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
