and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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