Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
