Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
