I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
