i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
