i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
