i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
