I accidentally had phone sex last night
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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