She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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