Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
