Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
