is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
