Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
