I heard we made out
Your mouth is God's brothel.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
