It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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