end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
