Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
