just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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