can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Fuck appropriateness.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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