3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
