We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
