You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
