you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
