Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
