i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
