I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
