thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
