I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
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