there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
