If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
