Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
