my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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