Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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