i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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