Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
