he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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