that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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