Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
