Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
