I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
