the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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