she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
