I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
