oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
