remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
