is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
